


And a One and a Two...

by handschuhmaus



Series: Rogues and Ramblers: Tales from the World(s) of Star Wars Rebels [2]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Rebels
Genre: Gen, Imperials have hobbies too, Kallus's muttonchops, crack-y premise, instructional booklets, mentioned cruel killing of insects, scheduling conflicts, silliness, trying to learn an instrument from a book, unexpected holocalls
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-07
Updated: 2014-10-07
Packaged: 2018-02-20 07:21:47
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 641
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2420015
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/handschuhmaus/pseuds/handschuhmaus
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The Inquisitor had suggested (who could say how seriously) that Kallus might find a hobby in order to reduce his stress. The Agent tries to implement this suggestion...</p>
            </blockquote>





	And a One and a Two...

**Author's Note:**

> ...Yes, I am embarking on the dubious venture of writing a fic for a show for which only a single (admittedly longer) episode has aired, and without benefit of you know, any characterization notes, considering that this is fanfiction and not anything with any sort of official endorsement. Oh well. I've read early TNG and DS9 novels before, and yes there are discrepancies. And those have benefit of the characterization notes. So you know this is going to be off somewhat.
> 
> Possibly you should note that I am really no musician, and have only ever produced a reasonable approximation of a song on a piano, though I once had a very brief attempt at instruction in guitar.
> 
> This narration does not necessarily reflect the author's personal opinion of Agent Kallus's muttonchops.

Kallus stared at the actually innocent stringed instrument confrontationally, as if it had personally wrong him. While someone inclined to such fanciful comparisons might have declared positively that his gaze at this time was enough to burn a hole in the instrument, much as he might have incinerated small (and equally innocent, incidentally) insects with a magnifying lens as a young man, in reality his gaze was entirely ineffectual, at least towards the instrument. It _did_ succeed in making the Imperial Agent increasingly a mixture of frustrated and dreading.

Sighing, he stroked his magnificent whiskers and finally moved to pick up the instructional booklet that had been included when he bought the instrument. Had he been less optimistic about his future as a musician at the time, Kallus might have expressed some skepticism over the educational capacity of such a slim booklet, but arrogantly he figured that there really wouldn't be much to adeptly playing the instrument. Yet, as he first opened the booklet, this idea was quite unseated by the presence of diagrams as yet unintelligible to him and text that seemed quite illegible. He turned the book to stare at the diagrams and quickly realized that not all of his confusion was justified--he had been misled by the volume's plain back cover into holding "How to Play the Ukulele in 3 Steps and 20 Minutes a Day" upside down.

Righting the book, he opened it to the proper page and slightly warily picked up the ukulele _without_ first reading the introductory paragraphs. He gave the instrument an experimental strum, producing a relatively melodious noise and then a "twang" as one of the confounded instrument's strings broke and came loose, much as he might have seen innumerable times in the holovids, if he ever admitted to watching such drivel.

To his astonishment (and, if he was completely honest, fright), his attention was demanded by an emphatic clearing of someone's throat. Plainly outlined in semi-transparent blue, and looking both vaguely irritated and mildly amused, the Inquisitor, his _superior_ , was projected into Kallus's quarters by the agent's holocomm.

"I see you've taken it upon yourself to double-schedule your time," said the Pau'un, in what might have been mild reprimand, or, equally, and this worried Kallus, grave disapproval preceding a possible demotion.

"Double-scheduled!?" he could not help stuttering cluelessly.

"You informed me you wished to discuss 'strategy.' While I had previously recommended you take up a hobby, I had no expectation, and _should have had no reason to suspect_ , that you would try to enact this suggestion concurrently with our conferences, especially when your choice proves such a noisy one. My time is valuable, Agent Kallus, and I do not appreciate your wasting it by ineffective and counterproductive attempts at multitasking."

"My apologies," Kallus said automatically, rushing to put aside both the ailing ukulele and the instructional booklet while he composed apologetic remarks. "I had, uh, to be honest, forgotten about our conference."

The holo-image of the Inquisitor stared at him for several minutes, the expression on his face unreadable, potentially anything from lugubrious disappointment to scheming his demise by appropriate distant means. It seemed an eon before he moved again, palming something he had been holding in his palms behind his back onto a table outside the camera's view. Value of his time notwithstanding, he finally spoke again. "Still," the Inquisitor pronounced thoughtfully, "that you attempted to implement such a suggestion..." he let the sentence hang. "What 'strategy' is it you wish to discuss, Agent Kallus?"

The human nodded and mentally shifted gears away from his abortive attempts at musicianship. "While I know as well as you do what the official policy says, Inquisitor, one of those Force-sensitives is young. Is it not possible that some use might be made of him? At that age he should be quite impressionable, moldable..."

**Author's Note:**

> (This was totally inspired by a pun of sorts--Kallus/callous, or perhaps _callus_ would be more suitable just here. )


End file.
